Feeling heartbroken. 3
You know your Cuban when..
1. You grew up scared of something called ”el cucu”
2. You know the meaning of ”no da pie con bola”
3. Others tell you to stop screaming when you are really talking
4. You have ever left grass for the camels on the night of January 6th instead of cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas eve.
5. Dinner usually consists of rice, beans, and some kind of meat.
6. You have ever used your nose or lips to point something out.
7. You have ever drop food on the floor, picked it up, and ate it after saying ”lo que no mata engorda”
8. You constantly refer to cereal as ”con flei”
9. You have ever gone outside your house with ”rolos” and ”chancletas”
10. You have ever been hit with ”el cinto” a ”chancleta” or ”un tareco”
11. Your mom yells at the top of her lungs to call you for dinner, even though you live in a one bedroom apartment.
12. Your house has all of those litle figurines that take every inch of space in the house, and you have either one of the following: a porcelain cat, dog, or elephant in your living room
13. You can dance merengue, rumba, salsa, anything…without music!
14. You use ”manteca” instead of olive oil, and still cant figure out why your butt is getting bigger
15. You just cant imagine anyone not liking Cuban food.
16. You call your sneakers ”tenis” or ”zapatillas”
17. You have at least 30 cousins
18. You consider platanos to be a food group
19. You constantly say.. ”En cuba eso era mejor, en cuba no pasa eso”
20. Your family`s reunions usually consists of all types of food, music, and lots of people screaming
21. You call someone by saying ”oye brode” or ”oye acere”
22. You have been on a 2 passenger car, with over 7 people in it, and still a person shouting ”caben mas”
23. You have been seen on channel 7 shouting ”No Castro no problem”
24. Your idea of formal is wearing a ”guayabera”
25. Your favorite words are ”Oye” or ”Ven aca” when you are right next to a person.
26. You think the perfect family should resemble the ”Que pasa USA” family
27. Your tradition is to kill a pig and roast it in your back yard on christmas eve.
28. You call Beck`s beer ”la llave”
29. You are registered Republican
30. You wake up to the shrieking of roosters in your back yard.
31. You have used the words ” Acere, mi socio, consorte, oye men” within the last week
32. Your favorite milkshakes flavors are ”mamey, papaya, or guanabana”
33. Your favorite Sunday sport is dominoes
34. You constantly say.. ”Fidel se cae este año”
35. You have been on the USA for 10 years and still don’t speak English
36. You buy a lotto ticket every Saturday
37. You go to your family or friend`s funeral to tell jokes and socialize
38. You wear several gold rings, a very wide gold watch, and a heavy gold wrist chain
39. You pay money you don’t have for your daughter`s ”quinces”
40.You are a mechanic and your shop is your front yard
41. You still wear a shirt collar over your suit
42. You use words like, ” bipeame, faxeame, shipeame, and taipeame”
43. You look forward to ”Sabado Gigante” every Saturday
44. You clean your teeth with a toothpick in public after eating
45. You tell your wife ”mami, hazme cafe y traeme agua”
46. You say ”La vaquita” instead of farm stores
47. You don’t believe in ”brujeria” but respect it anyways
48. You use redundant expressions like ”Me c*a*g*o en la m*i*e*r*d*a”
49. You have a chemical dependence on Cuban coffee after every meal
50. You have use of the word ”Jeva”
51. You have a particular passion for wrist watches
52. You call Publix; ”el publie”
53. Your furniture is still with the plastic cover
54. You know how to sing ”el yerberito” of Celia Cruz
55. You grew up thinking that going swimming after lunch could cause you a ”sirimba” , so it was best to wait at least 3 or 4 hours.
56. Your baby smells like ”agua de violetas”
57. At every B-day party there is an assortment of ”pastelitos de carne, guayaba, croquetas & bocaditos” and they are all placed in the table next to the cake so they could come out in the picture for your cousins in Cuba.
58. When your mom gets mad she yells ”Me c*a*g*o en la madre que te pario”
59. To describe a place that`s far away you say it`s ”en casa del c*a*r*a*j*o”
